This weeks quotes:

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg

This weeks quotes come from one of the great comedians Howie Mandel:

I was totally involved in Bobby’s World from the time we started the idea to sitting with the artists on how he would look, to the script meetings, the music, the lyrics, the songs.

I’ve been chased. I’ve been pushed. I’ve been screamed at. I’ve been verbally abused. I’ve been afraid for my safety. But I did it all in the name of entertainment.

It’s really not that hard. If I do a Tonight Show, it’s six or seven minutes. If I do a concert, it’s 90 minutes. If I do an interview, that’s 15 minutes. So by the end of the day I’ve done three hours worth of work.

People who annoy people are the luckiest people in the world.

There’s no skill. You can be a rock and move into another cash bracket.

This weeks quotes are from some hilarious people from the past:

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Josh Billings

A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
Erma Bombeck

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

Today’s quotes comes from the great historian George Bancroft:

By common consent gray hairs are a crown of glory; the only object of respect that can never excite envy.

Dishonesty is so grasping it would deceive God himself, were it possible.

The fears of one class of men are not the measure of the rights of another.

Conscience is the mirror of our souls, which represents the errors of our lives in their full shape.

After a wonderful day of Reno/Sparks Real Estate, I wanted to post my weekly quotes. This weeks quotes are from the great playwright Samuel Beckett (No relation).

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.

I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them.

Poets are the sense, philosophers the intelligence of humanity.

We are all born mad. Some remain so.
Samuel Beckett